I feel so stressed. I should have just went to work full time first then gone to stidy the next year... Now my home is in need of money and im like working while studying. I cant even understand the whole thing. Stabs brain* Statistics in psychology is so..... I find it so irrelevent. Somehow. Tsk. Just so hard to ask my teacher. Shes imoatient and its hard to ask her things. GOD, help me. This sucks... Fail the 5 lab lessons must pay 300 plus to retake gosh -.- HOW. I hope this year ends quickly. And i can get a job as a social worker or psychologist

Chinese new year is here. Everybody is having Reunion dinner posting about it on facebook, instagram twitter etc. And then there are people who say they dislike reunion dinners. -.- Leaen to appreciate man. I want also dont have. Esp since my mums a douche and dont let anyone come over or relatives also. I wish i had a close and loving family. My grandma with dementia is so blur and is like a walking blur thing. Always depressed and conolaining. Mum is sick with OCD. Sister is just.. Living her own life at home. Dad die. Such q bad person, good thing die. I hate this kind of family. So cold and unloving. Pull them together to have fanily day etc go eat go out all also dont wan -.- t I sriously envy people who have real families Warm loving supportive. Family is more than just the DNA. Its the relationship and thats the most inportant. My aunt has invitied us (like after 6 years of not meeting or talking) to her dinner. With our cousin whom we never see for 6 years. Now i wonder if it is out of pity cos noone at hoem cares My grandads girlfriend invitied us over on sunday afternoon for that too. I feel like an outsider. Go malaysia him and her family all go together. Then me and my sis also. Feel like extra and not a part also. I feel i just belong nowhere. I am so stressed at home having to cater to my grandmas needs which gives me High blood pressure. Yeah i do love her but smtimes shes just so selfish. Instead i suck it and i takecare fo jer wel. I cannot stand it when i have done well to look after her and people sayh eh why u never help her cut her hair uh grow long already! Bad leh u YOU THINK I NO NEED GO SHOOL NO WORK IS IT. IM BUSY OK MY SISTER NEVER DO ANYTHING AT ALL WHY NEVER SAY HER. This is all my reponsibility how about her. ARGH. How come I seem like the bad person? I feel hurt about it. All just picking on me. When i was younger dad made my cousin punch me and he laughed.and so many other things also. I know hes long dead but when i rememberer it i am angry. And i know its no point.. Argh. Pthey wrre unfair to me. I hope if i ever marry ill have a family who is so close. Not like this one now. -.-